Of Godfathers
by Trinity Kouya Hime-sama
Summary: Some time before the final battle Harry and Remus have a talk about the responsibilities of a godfather and the future paths lost to them. Hints of Remus/Sirius.


Harry sat on the steps, contemplating and looking at the stars, and smiled slightly as he saw out of the corner of his eye Remus come outside and sit down next to him.

"Harry, what are you doing on here?" Remus asked quietly.

"Just thinking, actually thinking about what you asked me. You have to know how honored and happy I am to be asked to be your child's godfather, but it also makes me sad" Harry replied in a subdued voice.

"Why sad?" Remus asked, but his voice and face showed clearly that he already knew the answer.

"Because it shouldn't be me. Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you shouldn't have picked me. I just mean that if the world was right and things were not such a bloody mess, then it wouldn't ever be me you would ask. It should have been Sirius or my dad. Those are the people who you have spent your life with, who you always had surely planned to ask. But we don't have them anymore, and all you have is me." Harry gave him a sad smile.

"Harry, I didn't ask you as a substitute for your father or for Sirius" Remus told him fondly.

"I know that, I really do. That isn't what I meant, I'm not worried about that at all. I know you are not the type of person who would do that. I just wish that things could be different. I know I'm not some substitute, that's not how it works. It's hard to explain, but it's like the way I feel about you. You are someone who was meant to be in my life no matter what happened and I would have cared for you regardless of the road taken. But because Sirius and my dad where taken from us, our relationship is different than it should have or would have been otherwise, it's not better or worse, but just different. And it's the same for me being in your child's life as a godparent. I would have certainly been in the child's life and loved it no matter what, but the universe surely didn't originally intend for it to be as a godparent. And it makes me sad to see the holes in all our lives that we fill with people, who maybe were not supposed to be in that role. And sometimes that might even be for the better, but when I think of what we lost and how it might have been, it just makes me very sad. For us and for the future, for your child who won't get to know Sirius like I did and for my possible future children who also won't know him or their grandparents."

Remus sat quietly for a while, contemplating his reply, "Yeah, you are right, it is sad. I suppose that I've tried really hard not to think about that type of thing, about how I envisioned the future back when I was young and carefree in Hogwarts. But you are right, the path that life would have taken, if the darkness hadn't come and clouded everything, would likely have been very different."

"I hate that he has taken this from us, that Voldemort stole the future from us. Because no matter if we win or lose, that future will still have been stolen. We can't win it back, it all feels sorta hollow when I think of it like that…" Harry said trailing off sadly.

"Harry, I agree that it is sad that victory cannot bring back all that we have lost, but it can prevent anything else from being lost. It can keep my child from losing the things that you lost, and it can allow you to create a future, maybe not the perfect future that we would have liked, but at least it will be a future. Because as long as he is out there we have no future at all, so don't think of the victory as hollow."

"I know you are right, I do, and obviously I still intend on being victorious in this war. I just sometimes think about how things could have been, if Voldemort hadn't ever come into our lives and thrown everything off track. And things like this, you picking a godparent for your child, just really brings it to the front of my mind" Harry explained quietly.

Remus gave a sad smile and nodded. "Well, you are wrong about one thing Harry. I never really had visions of Sirius or James as my future children's godfathers when I was young. I'm not from a long pureblood family like they were, so I never had one myself and didn't really give it much thought. Actually it was watching you and Sirius that made me decide that my child would also have a godfather, because I could see how much it meant to you and to him."

Harry stared at him surprise showing on his face. "I didn't know that, I mean I guess I thought everyone in the magical world had them. Although now that I think about it, Ron has never mentioned having a godfather either."

"Indeed, its unlikely he has one. The Weasley's don't bother with most of those pureblood customs. The idea of a godparent ties back to purebloods need for an heir to carry on their family name, and therefore providing a guardian in case some disaster falls on the child's parents. I know both your father and Sirius had them, since originally they were both heirs to their family name." Remus told him, his voice taking on a bit of lecturing tone.

"How odd, it's a bit different with muggles, its sorta a religious thing. I never went to church or learned about it though, so I only have a vague understanding of it. There are so many things in the wizarding world I still know nothing about" Harry told him.

Remus chuckled, "Yes, I actually had heard that before, about godparents and the muggle religious aspect. But don't forget that you have a very unique perspective of things because of your muggle upbringing, and I think that in the end those experiences and knowledge will come in handy. And Harry, you have plenty of time to learn more about the wizarding world, your whole life in fact. You haven't had much of a chance to come into contact with most of the pureblood customs or beliefs, and that's hardly your fault" Remus told him with a gentle smile.

"Do you think that I would have known them? I mean if my parents were alive, did my dad hold with that type of thing?" Harry asked.

"That's a very interesting and complicated questions. I'd have to say yes and no, after all your mother was muggle born, so there is no way she wouldn't have some input on your upbringing. I think its important to understand that pureblood families are not all alike, you've seen some very extreme examples of what they are like. Family's like the Malfoy's and Black's who followed pureblood traditions to the extreme and then others like the Weasley's who have abandoned all the pureblood customs. But there are many family's that fall somewhere in between. The Potter's were one, oh they were a very old family, and in some ways traditional. But not in that same obsessive way some of the darker pureblood families are. So I am sure some pureblood customs would have been followed by your parents, as seen by the fact that James made Sirius your godfather. But I know Lily was the type of person who always did things her own way, so I feel certain that her influence would have made sure you had contact with many muggle customs too" Remus told him.

"Huh, well I guess we'll never really know." Harry stated sadly, "If they were alive, who would you ask? My dad or Sirius?"

Remus laughed, "Well certainly never Sirius, if he were alive the whole issue of me having a kid would not exist. "

Harry gave him a knowing look and smiled slightly, "Well what if suddenly they were brought back to life?"

Shaking his head slightly, Remus smiled, "Why are you creating impossible scenarios? What will hearing my answer really change?"

"Oh nothing would change, I guess sometimes I like to try to picture, where we would all be if Voldemort hadn't entered our lives." Harry told him with an embarrassed grin.

"Oh Harry, you can't live your life in a dream, you'll end up missing so many things" Remus told him.

"That's funny, Dumbledore once told me something similar," Harry tried to recall the exact words, but shook his head as he couldn't bring them to mind.

"A wise man Dumbledore, he was full of good advice. Did you know that in fact he was your father's godfather?" Remus asked him.

"Really? He never mentioned it, then again as time goes by I realize more and more that there was a lot he forgot to mention to me." Bitterness crept out of Harry tone as he stated this.

"Harry, he lived a very long life, its not surprising that he never had the time to sit down and tell you every story. Its always easy to blame those who are gone, for not doing something or telling something. Believe me, I've done it all. There are times when I've been so angry with your parents and Sirius. Bloody hell, I've cursed them for not trusting me, choosing me as secret keeper, or at least telling me who they chose. For so many little things that they could or should have done that might have changed things. But the reality Harry is that everyone does the best they can with what they are given. Few people have the power so see the future, so most of us can only try to muddle our way though and hope that the choices we make are good. People do things, hide things, share things, because at that moment they thought it was what was best for that time. We never know when its going to end, so people always live their lives expecting to have more time to talk to others, to do important things or to share secrets. But when lives are cut short without warning, you have to expect that there will be things left undone, and you can't just assume it was because they were hiding something from you or didn't trust you. You have to believe that they had reasons and that they thought they had time to tell you later." Remus said sadly.

"I guess you are right, it just reminds me again how important it is to not put things off. To live each moment to the fullest, because especially living in times like these, you never really know when your time might be up." Harry said flashing Remus a slight smile.

"That's the conclusion I have come to as well. When I asked Tonks to marry me and when we found out she was pregnant and decided she should keep the baby, we did it knowing that we can't put things off and hope better timing will come later. We decided to take advantage of the time we had now, and live every second knowing that it could be the last, so as to have no regrets. Harry, I have so many regrets from over the years, so trust me on this, its far better to regret doing something than doing nothing. Don't let the dark times we live and the fate handing over your head keep you from living and finding happiness. Your parents and Sirius wouldn't want that for you. They gave their lives to protect you so that you would have this chance to live, so take it and make the most of it." Remus told him, their eyes met in understanding and Harry nodded.

"I plan to, I will not waste the sacrifices that were made for me. I will live in such a way as to be worthy of their sacrifices. And I'll work hard to become the type of man that your child will be proud to have as a godparent, just as I was proud of Sirius. " Harry told him seriously.

"I know you will Harry, I believe in you. And I know that if anything ever happen to me or Tonks, that you would protect my child."

"Don't say that type of thing, its bad luck." Harry said sounding upset.

"I don't anticipate anything happening to both of us anytime soon, obviously. It was just a comment Harry, don't read into it too much." Remus assured him.

"Good, because right now there are things I have to do. I don't really think I'm close to ready to think of raising a child. I just barely manage to take care of myself" Harry joked, "So I would fear for the health and sanity of your child."

"I wouldn't. You are an amazing person Harry, every challenge that you come up against you stand up to with true Gryffindor courage. I have faith in you, though I am hoping that I'll never have to make you prove my trust right. "

"Thank you Remus, it means so much to hear that from you. I will do my best to live up to your expectations as a man and as your child's godfather" Harry stated seriously.

"Thank you." Remus replied quietly, his voice very calm and peaceful. He looked up at the stars and his face seemed serine. He looked over and met Harry's eyes and he smiled.

"As long as you try to do your best Harry, then I believe the future will be very bright."


End file.
